Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
