kristin has been a bad kristin
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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