Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
