highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Randomize
