all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
