omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
