Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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