How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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