You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
