I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Randomize
