I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
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