out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
