bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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