do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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