Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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