I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
