yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
