the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
