i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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