the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
