Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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