I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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