The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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