She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
