Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
