Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
