I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
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