Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
