Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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