she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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