Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
