I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Randomize
