Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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