can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
