; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Randomize
