Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
