Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
