i just wanna soil my oats bro
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
