Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
