We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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