My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
