I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
