she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
