I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
fuck your aforementioned shoe
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
The beer is more important than you right now.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
