apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
