Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
