But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
