Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
