Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
