I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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