im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
