the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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